How my boyfriend reacts to a speeding ticket:
1.”I’M NEVER GOING TO JERSEY AGAIN. FUCK THIS SHIT.”
2. Rips ticket into about 12 pieces.
3. Throws pieces on wet pavement.
4. Lights a match.
5. Lights the entire matchbook with lit match.
6. Burns pile of ticket pieces with enflamed matchbook.
7. Proceeds to worship fire.
8. Blows cigarette smoke into fire.
9. Spits around the fire.
10. Unbuttons pants and farts violently into fire.
*I wish I was making this up.